newest older profile guestbook e-mail dgdesigns host

quiet today 2009-11-21 4 1:34 p.m. one year anniversary... it's been 365 days since he left us. or since his body ceased to be around. i don't want to grieve today. spoke to both my sister and my mother last night, about an hour each, and they were both a mess. my mother struggling with her 'what ifs' and 'should i haves'; my sister grappling with her existential crisis of why life is. me, i guess i'm on numb and done mode. i have grieved for d. yet recently i have let life march on. perhaps because my new life - new job, new house, new adult-ness - has left no time for mourning, but i don't feel tears at the corners of my eyes today. i am grumpy and disconnected for sure, but i am not a crumbled heap on the floor like perhaps one would expect. i went to the wake of one of my good friend's father last week and that's when the tears came. seeing his own father in a casket, hearing his family sob, seeing the tears in his eyes, that re-brought it all back down to me. today does not, for some odd reason. the fact that it's been a whole year is like an odd accomplishment. others just moan about how it feels like just yesterday, how they still can't believe he's gone, etc etc. a year to me feels like a giant step - that i have lived for a year without his love and support in its most tangible way, that i have thrived without his constant back-up, that perhaps he was here for the time he needed to be here, and now it's okay that he's moved on. previous - next