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my incompetence train, woo woo 2007-02-27 4 11:01 p.m. i had such bad dreams the other night that i literally fell out of bed. i have never done that before. scary frikken thing. glad i didn't break a hip or something. i had to really struggle to get myself back into bed too because i was still practically asleep; i felt glued to the floor, unsure if i was really there or not. scariest part was waking up in the morning trying to figure out if i had dreamt the whole episode. this is how fucked up i am lately. i feel like i'm moving through molasses. everything is hard and heavy and takes so much energy. i'm doing it again. numbing up. i can feel my brain just disconnecting from my body - just when they were starting to get reacquainted; my body's like, "hell no - we're not dealing with this crisis in our new age therapy-driven hoity toity let's feel our emotions now state - let's revert to our old ways that didn't fucking annihilate us when we had to handle a tragedy, 'kay?" and not being very good at any of the normal addictions (having a high tolerance for liquor, no tolerance for smoking, fear of blood and needles), i've turned to comfort food as my vice of choice. i've ingested more brownies, pizza, chips, fast food, and peanut butter in the last couple weeks to equal the binge-fests i used to have as a kid. it's just starting to really sink in now. i feel like throwing up all the time now. which is doing great things for the slug-like quality of life i was talking about earlier. i can't do this. why can i not do this? previous - next