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chemo day on the horizon 2007-06-01 4 1:01 a.m. i just wanna run, flee, be selfish, shirk responsibility. check into some aaa-approved room and say, "hey you're an adult - you handle it - you chose your life partner, that person to stand by you through thick and thin, and guess what - it ain't me babe - i'm just your child - having to deal with all this crap: not in my job description, so best of luck, i'm off to have my life..." i was just angry and bitchy through most of today - not wanting to accompany my mother on her doctor's visit, not wanting to think about tomorrow's chemo-day-dujour. i have to say, i'm so far past being freaked out about it. it just feels like 'jesus christ, yet another goddamn thing to do for her,' and whenever she bitches about it, i just have no sympathy. cold, i know, but it's how it is. and i just want to be anywhere but here. i'd rather be with him, sacked out on the couch, watching deadliest catch, marveling at the number of crabs in the world. that just seems like such a beautiful haven to me, where i can laugh and be silly and be touched and be peaceful and just have a normal world for the briefest of moments. and i don't want to abuse that gift, but my mind is just there all the time, and my body just. doesn't. want. to. be. here. previous - next