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the end of august and beginning of life 2007-09-01 4 10:47 p.m. it's now practically past my working woman's bedtime, so i fear my thoughts will be rambly and out-of-order... the leaves are already starting to turn and fall around here. i am ready for autumn. so ready i feel like giving it a great big hug. and yet i also find myself thinking, when the world has gone full circle, when the seasons go from cool to cold to warm to hot again, i'll be done with my mock-life and onto my real one. my first two days of my middle school internship were great. just the thrill of being in that setting, seeing those students, wandering around and learning the ropes and wondering what's in store for me over the next many months was exciting. it strikes me that i've never embraced change so enthusiastically before. my room is still clean. my body woke me up this morning at 6:30 even though i didn't have to get up till 8am. i'm starting to enjoy mornings. i'm starting to enjoy some cleanliness and organization. yet i still fall prey to my expectations. expectations always seem to get in the fucking way. if you have expectations, you can get disappointed. if i could just let go of the outcome, and do things just to do them without thinking they'll bring about a certain end result, i'd be okay. my motto for these days is lao tzu's "when i let go of what i am, i become what i might be." i'm trying really hard to be okay with letting go of the old me, and focusing on the bright possibilities of what i can be. previous - next