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pathway to unhappy endings i broke down when they left me alone in the x-ray room. with nobody staring at me, just sitting there in the dark, surrounded by machines that were hopefully not gonna tell me yet more bad news, i just couldn't stop the tears. little things just become huge things in this family. it feels like a fucking curse. i have never gone to the er in my life before this year, and i've been in hospitals less times than the fingers on one hand before this year. but this year...damn. i've spent over 7 months talking about medical issues when all i wanted was not to have to talk about gross body anatomy anymore. and now it's my freaking body we have to dissect and discuss. god dammit. i feel like my body's betraying me. the er doctor kept saying "it's highly unusual for someone your age blahblahblah..." maybe i betrayed my body. i don't want to jump on the surgery train with the rest of my medically dysfunctional family. but it looks like i have no choice. yet another disease runs in our family that i had no clue about i guess. and why the hell do i feel like this is yet another weakness i have to feel crappy about? |