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bulletproof weeks in your arms - it's just the song stuck in my head tonight - this could be the anger free night finally had an evening that my body needed. came home from work, relaxed a bit, did a dance class for some exercise, had a healthy salad with chicken for dinner, then went to a new meditation group. the group is amazing, i will definitely try to make it a regular weekly break time. it's a serious group tho, one that requires commitment. the initial breathing meditation was intense - just trying to commit to quieting my mind and focusing on nothing but my breath for so long was an exercise in perseverance. my brain is just too busy to let my body have the time it needs. all i could do for the first 10 minutes or so was think about errands i needed to run, whether my phone was ringing silently in my bag, how many people i needed to talk to later, etc etc, and my body was too busy listening to the noises around the room, however minute, every gurgling dinner-digesting stomach or creaky chair. but i finally managed to find some focus and felt myself really centered in my body for the first time in a long while. then we had a great session about letting go of anger and reacting with compassion when someone hurts us. while i don't tend to lash out in my anger, i do tend to internalize an awful lot, swallowing gallons of anger and frustration, something which i'm sure is half-causing my current body ailments and hence something i'm dying to release and let go of instead of holding on to it all. the leader brought up some really interesting points too that i'll carry with me for a while. for instance how we get angry thinking we'll get what we want but all it does is make more discontent. and when it comes to inner-directed anger, that beating yourself up syndrome i am so fucking good at, (ha see it right there?) he reminded me to disassociate from the problem i'm trying to change - you're just a person with anger, not an angry person - you could just as easily be a calm compassionate person. the problem is just an illusion, and you can attack these habits of the mind while nurturing and nursing yourself at the same time. |