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prep time 2007-12-01 4 11:28 p.m. the sky last night was so crystal clear, i could see every star even surrounded by lots of street lights. i hear a nice snow and ice storm is coming tomorrow. it's funny to me how the sky can be clearest right before a storm. i wonder if that holds true for life too - whether things are most obvious right before they get all muddled. it feels possible. i've started looking at apartments for january. i've seen one with character and one with queerness. the former was this old victorian house with my perfect yellow kitchen and burgundy reading room. the latter had a freakishly seperated bathroom - the shower in one room and the toilet and sink in another room all the way across the apartment. i really have no clue how i'm going to afford a place short of selling my body, but i really have a huge overwhelming urge to be out of here for the spring semester. i've been thinking of how it'll kinda be six months of transition, of training time kinda, for my life. these first six months of my internship have been prep for my future career, the next six months will prepare me for life on my own again. i really do need that. i'm 29 and i've never truly lived on my own, completely on my own two feet. living in a dorm room for 3.5 years and then living in a women's residence in nyc for 1.5 years - while indepence-making were not quite adult-making, as i had most of my bills taken care of by loans or parents. i have never had a place of my own for which i was entirely responsible. and while the thought terrifies me and makes me tremble in my incompetence-feeling boots, i want it. so i will continue to look, for so many things for my life. previous - next