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"i want more than just okay." 2008-04-20 4 9:32 p.m. "yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead, yesterday is a promise that you've broken, don't close your eyes, this is your life, and today is all you've got now, and today is all you'll ever have, don't close your eyes, are you who you want to be?" (switchfoot) i really wish i could say my parents' current situation is urging me to reconsider my own lifestyle but it just isn't. and yet i know it should be. i was raised by these people, i live how they live, and they have doctors telling them their bodies are just about useless to them now. this is the likely end to the path i'm currently on. why isn't it making me want to change things? i feel like a disappointment. to myself. to those who expect things of me. why can't i be different? as a weeklong vacation stretches out before me, i'm realizing i have more than steamcleaning carpets and washing the car on my to-do list. i need to make some serious decisions about my life. soon i'll have the summer months to myself - no school, no work, and only myself to be devoting time to, and i want to have something there. i feel like an empty box that's just been filled in with the clutter of daily life, yet underneath i'm still just an empty box. i used to be full of so many passions and joys and ways i took care of myself, but somehow they've all slipped away. i'm not even sure i remember what they were, so maybe i've just got to start from scratch. now how the hell do i do that? previous - next