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comparatively speaking 2009-03-21 4 1:49 p.m. life still bumps along. little things still set me downward. a curt word. an overwhelming day. the fact that easter is approaching has become one. my stepdad used to make sure i always had marshmallow peeps and cadbury eggs galore way before the actual holiday and way afterwards, when of course the good sales were. i may have to go out and buy my own this year. my 31st birthday is coming up and i've hit a weird materialistic phase. i keep looking around and seeing so many of my friends and random co-workers around me who have so much more to show for their lives. my best friend since forever bought herself a house - she dropped this bombshell on me via email the other day. the girl is exactly a month younger than me, currently in about the same career morass that i am, i thought equally as immature as i am, and yet she's making solid gains, solid decisions, building a future. i went to a meeting the other day with a special ed lady who looked quite a bit younger than me, maybe early 20s, had just moved to ct and only been at her current job since the start of this year, yet she was rocking a shiny big suv with a fancy navigation system and a shiny wedding ring. what do i have to show for myself? what have i acheived? i am dangling by a string at my current job, about to be unemployed again, no prospects for the new school year, no plan b, a shoddy apartment, a family in disarray, a constant companion in depression, a lack of a constant feline companion, very few friends and an emptiness so huge i can't see its edges. i don't know how i've gotten here. i always thought my 30s would be different. that i would have started to figure out life by now, that i would have something accomplished, something under my belt, something to say i've made some mark on the world. and i know comparing yourself to others is pointless and never gets you anywhere, but that's all i can do these days. and compared to everyone else, well, i'm barely here. previous - next