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remember this for next year 2009-04-11 4 1:29 p.m. i told myself last year to just start disregarding birthdays and i guess i should've fucking listened. cause birthdays in my life have not just gone "not right" in recent years, but "tragically historically fucking wrong." and this one is shaping up no differently. it's not even the milestones of birthdays - what they mean - what they represent - how they make you re-evaluate your life and see what you've done with a year. it's not even being a little bitch to my expectations and having them ridiculously not met like usual. it's not even how people you think are your support system let you down pretty uncermoniously on the day of your birth. it's not even feeling the years flying by yet at the same time having no sense of experience or maturity in your body. it's not even having to deal with a raging depression that causes your body to not even feel like your own, to have mysterious aches and pains that rob you of life and energy and all the little usuals. maybe it's just the pressure of a birthday. maybe it actually is all those things. i kinda wish i could fucking stop having birthdays. previous - next