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me negative one point ow 2009-04-13 4 10:52 p.m. i wish i could understand my body lately. that sounds so ridiculous but i honestly feel like i need some "nonverbal body cues" - to - "understandable english" dictionary so i can figure out what the hell to make of the aches and pains its been throwing at me lately. i'm like the crazy lady in the depression commercial... "who does depression hurt?" "how does depression hurt?" me me ow god me. and it's insane how it sucks the energy out of you. i find myself watching people on television thinking in my head - 'it must be nice to be able to dance like that or hell just walk around like that. wish i could do it.' cause the most recent weird pain my body has decided to try is throbbing hip and leg aches. steady doses of ibuprofen did zippo to dull it for the last two days, so i upgraded to aleve which has been doing nice miracles for the last part of today. i actually feel like i can move around some. i hate being like this. i feel like a hypochrondiac as a new pain seems to arrive daily. i never used to be like this. sure i'd have the regular colds and headaches but at least those are definable and understandable. you know their causes and their pseudo-treatments. weird unknown origin pains freak me the fuck out cause i have no idea why they've arrived or what to do about them. so i'm congregating a team i guess - an acupuncturist recommended by my sister (to check out my icky gall bladder issues, migraines, and lack of energy), an aprn recommended by my therapist (to possibly dole out low dose anti-depressants), and perhaps a return to my old chiropractor (who may know what the hell is up with my legs). it's a terrifying team that i'm not entirely sure whether they'll help or just make me feel more psychotic, but obviously i'm not helping myself much lately so i guess anybody extra will be a plus. i just want to be better. i want to be past this. i want a new me who's not so stuck in crazy-land surrounded by pain. i hate this version of me. i really do. previous - next