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close your eyes, clear your heart
2009-04-28
4 12:20 a.m.

barely three weeks into my slackerdom and i'm already feeling the disengagement process setting in. i leave somebody's house at 10pm, cause of course they have to work in the morning and need to get to bed, and i am still wide awake. i drive the darkened streets and wonder at what i can do. i see all the dark houses and people winding down their days and i marvel at the differentness of mine. what i do with my days and my nights, so unlike structured society. yet what i do with my free time is remarkably little. as usual. this is what i do with unstructured time - fritter it away so frivously. i had a few good days where i felt something was getting done, now i've been focusing mainly on others. yet i have high hopes for a return to selfish improvement focus.
i at least have started to feel a bit better - knock on some god forsaken wood before i jinx the hell out of myself. my body has been soothed a bit lately without the stress of daily grind and it has started to like me again. my heart is papier-mache'ing up the giant hole a bit as well. i don't turn to tears quite so often, and i smile and find joy in love again. i have started to see the good parts of life and the vital parts of existence have become a bit clearer lately. i know what the purpose of living is, and i won't fail at it, no matter how many obstacles befall me.

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