newest older profile guestbook e-mail dgdesigns host

i'm so done with this 2009-05-29 4 4:10 p.m. my energy is for shit this week. i can't even do a single thing with a whole day. i keep thinking of things - i'll at least make a to-do list this week; i'll start cleaning this dump of an apartment so the layers of dust could at least be gone; i'll get outside more or just drive around more (cause why is it i do some of my most honest thinking when i'm aimlessly driving around?). but did i get any of those done, or even started? sigh.. hell no. even my acupuncturist felt my pulse the other day and was like "wow, your energy is low" and it was just killer to have it confirmed aloud, just... fuck. i feel like i need a roommate cause i remember in college my roomie and i realized that we could never be productive or accomplish much homework/study-wise when the other person wasn't in the room. it's like having a witness to your sloth-like existence gives you the motivation to slug out of it and get moving. but it's the type of presence that would be important. it never worked when i lived with the rents - i was just annoyed when they would jokingly state "good morning sunshine!" when i would roll out of bed at noon, and their annoyance at my slackerdom would just cause me to want to do it more in rebellion. yet my college roomie deb - awesome girl - we both knew we were deep procrastinators with poor study habits at best, but we never bitched at each other, just encouraged one another when it was late sunday afternoon and knew we had done no work yet and then laughed at our own lack of momentum. i feel like i need something like an aa sponsor, somebody i can call up when the big black hole is dragging me down. somebody to call and report on my lackluster day and they won't judge me but they'll say just those right words to get me up and moving. i just wish i had some get up and go. i can sleep my good solid 9 hours and still feel dead tired. my body feels heavy. i feel like i could fuse to the earth if i were any heavier. previous - next