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giving up the dream welcome june. i pray month eight will start the uphill rollercoaster climb again - hopefully without the huge downward crash a month or two later. as i sit here and fight my 3-day long migraine, and listen to the neighbors fighting next door, and scroll through old entries of mine, and try not to cry... i feel like i've come to some sort of conclusion. i am not good like this and so perhaps it's better if i don't get a school counseling job in the fall. i am in no condition to be counseling someone's children on how to live their lives when i can't even live mine. i wish there was some other conclusion to find, but there's just that. so - what am i destined for? i do not know. perhaps admin, perhaps day care, perhaps retail. i am giving up my dream because i realize i'm not quite fit right now for its reality. god knows i wouldn't want a lady mcmess like me talking my middle-schooler out of her suicidal ideation. cause even though i know my counseling skills are good, and i could push my own crap to the back of my head and help a student in their time of need, i don't know if i could fully be there with them, be present with their situation, and take in their feelings non-judgementally and validate them. i just don't know if i have the energy for it. so when i get rid of this endless headache and find some sort of energy, i guess it's back to the job-pool to find plan b, even though i hate its very necessity. |