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this holiday 2009-11-26 4 11:45 p.m. thanksgiving... this time last year i had very little to be thankful for. in fact, i was a puddle of tears on the floor right about now. today, a year later, i have more joy around me, yet the tears come back easily when i sit with the silence and solitude for a moment. i was happy today - i can't lie about that. with a "new" family and a day filled mainly with happy thoughts, i can't deny that i laughed and smiled and gave thanks for my life and those around me. yet i miss my family. i miss my stepdad. miss cooking ridiculously simple meals of powdered potatoes and tiny turkey breasts and not homemade pies. miss cooking disasters with my mother and my stepdad waiting patiently all the while. i think i fooled myself pretty well into thinking i didn't need that unit, that i could build a new life and not notice its absence. nights like this make me realize i'm wrong. i'm very wrong. i miss him. although i felt loved and safe and connected today, like i did with him, it's not the same. my life will never be the same. "so you walked with me for a while bared your naked soul and you told me of your plans how you would never let them go, caught in your eyes, lost in your name, i will never be the same but i loved you, and then i lost you, and i will never be the same..." (melissa etheridge) previous - next